Struggling

I’m still struggling with who I should be. I guess I feel I need to be redefined by this liver disease and my feelings after watching Clerks III.

I see myself trying on different hats daily. Am I going to focus on being funny? Am I going to be serious? An I going to be old fashioned? Am I going to be compassionate? What media will define me? Westerns? Sandler films? Star Trek? The X Files?

I’m searching so hard for answers that aren’t there. I realize I’m not accepting myself for me.

I need to accept that I’m a combination of all of my interests. That I can’t base my life on any of them because they are all fictional and/or not me. I have no idea why I struggle with this so much. I guess it’s my desire to have a mentor or someone to guide me and help me.

Struggling

Kira

Last night, I struggled to sleep so I found myself browsing the Star Trek subreddit. I ended up reading about a horrific event that occurred in Nana Visitor aka Kira’s life. It’s haunted me ever since.

I’m amazed by her strength and ability to continue on after such a horrible ordeal. I’m not sure why it’s unsettled me so, I guess I always really liked the character and actress and hate to hear of bad things happening to people.

Today I watched an episode of DS9 which just so happens to be the episode she was taping when she was kidnapped. It was almost unsettling to watch this episode knowing that in real life, things were going to change for her so dramatically.

I guess, it just goes to show how strong the human spirit is. She didn’t allow this one bad day to destroy her life. Instead she found ways to be strong and live. I will forever admire her so much more going forward.

Kira

A Mistake

I made a mistake. I bought something for $12 that I shouldn’t have.

I know that isn’t a big deal in the scheme of things but I’m working hard on buying things that simplify my life and in this case, I was inspired by someone’s “show off shelf” and decided I needed something similar. So I bought a rare DVD that I’ll honestly never watch just to own it.

It’s this type of habit I must break. I slipped up and that’s okay. Realizing it is a huge improvement. Owning up to it so quickly is even better.

A Mistake